Book Excerpt
Baby
is a Four-Letter Word
Surviving the First Two Years of Parenthood
Chapter 1
You Call This a Plan? Learning to Live with a Newborn
"Planned parenthood" must be a misnomer. Sure, we planned
to have a baby. I remember it distinctly: it was the last time Andrew
and I had sex without worrying about bumping into the baby or waking
the baby. We bought nursery furniture, chose a name, signed up for
childbirth classes. We planned. But from the moment our baby
poked his head into the world, absolutely nothing has gone as planned.
In my first trimester I decided to take a hypnobirthing course so
I could overcome my fear of labour. I desperately clung to the instructor's
assurance that this self-hypnosis method could guarantee an "often
pain-free" birth—especially since every mother I had spoken
to assured me that childbirth was going to be "almost definitely
excruciating." But I was in luck. The following nine months of
positive visualization, breathing exercises and calming music somehow
helped me transcend my naturally high-strung state, and my son Zach
was born in three blissfully short, albeit slightly uncomfortable,
drug-free hours.
And then it all went pear-shaped. My body—so completely unfamiliar
with this state of relaxation—took onboard the "let everything
go" mantra that my hypnobirthing tape kept repeating and my uterus
decided to go on a field trip. I discovered "often pain-free"
didn't include passing a uterus—and it most certainly didn’t
apply to shoving one back in.
Without warning, my amazing and serene birth experience flipped over
to a terrifying episode of ER. The dimmed lights were slammed on in
full force as a team of doctors rushed in to take centre stage, shouting
out directions and casting my midwife and nurse into the background
to watch the show like a pair of extras. The sense of celebration
that followed Zach's birth turned to one of panic and chaos. "Am
I going to die?" I whispered to my husband, and the fear in his
eyes told me that his reassurances were more for his benefit than
mine. "Get this woman into the OR! Now!" I heard someone
yell just before I passed out from the pain and shock. Suddenly, my
introduction to motherhood—the moment I had lived for everyday
for nine months—became the moment I lived through...
---
Some more highlights from Baby is a Four-Letter Word include:
- Boob Job: The Joys of Breastfeeding
- Can I Get This in Another Size?: Body Image After Childbirth
- You Can Sleep When You're Dead: The Effects of Sleep Deprivation
- For Better or For Worse: Mixing Marriage with Babies
- Living with Labels: Mommy Types
